"You lack Discipline!" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

So as has been stated, I'm far away right now.  I've been in Oklahoma for a month now and still have three to go.  It kind go sucks.  So two days ago I get a phone call from Michelle, she has just finished the daily struggle of getting the boys to bed.  The conversation is always the same, A-"Did you put the boys to sleep?" M-"One of them, the other two are just laying in the rooms reading and playing Legos."  Dave goes to bed pretty well for us; he gets tired and he goes to sleep.  The older boys still struggle at turning off the light and closing the books.

But like I said, this happens every night.  All the time.  It can be and is very frustrating.  Particularly when they have such a terrible time the next day at school and other social interactions because they didn't get enough sleep.  It grinds on us as a family and on this evening it had the Mother tied in knots.  She vented for a while and then we hung up and went off to sleep.

Then yesterday I get a text message stating that the Mother needs a heavy to back her up.  Brigham had been using the computer to play games and searching for meme's when he was explicitly allowed to only type his report, so he consequently lost tech for two days.  Every second after that he began pushing to see if he could break down the punishment.  On day two he was pressing to be able to watch his brothers play even though he was grounded and she needed some mutual support.  He was pushing really hard and it was far beyond what she needed at the time or what a young man ought to do in treating his mother like a queen.  So I'll politely say, it was time to have a talk.

I personally hate having these talks.  It's a fine line that I have to walk as a parent between correcting the behavior, putting a little fear of God in them and loving them appropriately.  I struggle with it badly but it's a skill I'm learning better how to employ without going overboard or not far enough to change behavior.

So I got on the phone with him yesterday.  We chatted for a bit and then I began to discuss the discretions.  Just because I said I don't like it, does not mean that I don't know how to do it.  I learned all sorts of terrible technique you can use when in a position of superiority while a cadet at the Academy and as a trainee in POW camp.  The worst is when they want to cry and you simply don't allow it.  It was terrible for him.  It was terrible for me.

I know that this makes him a better person.  I would feel horrendous if I neglected my responsibility to teach him to respect his mother and to be strong when I'm away.  I couldn't do that as his father.  But still inside of me it hurts to correct my son.  I will every time, but it sucks.  I remember mocking that silly old adage of that dad about to whip his boy with a belt pausing to say, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."  But as a father I can understand better what the author meant.

Brigham is a difficult child at times.  He is very smart but he is also oppositional to most anything to some degree, even things he wants to do.  That's ok, it's just who he is.  He'll go for days or weeks slowly grating on his mother and I until eventually the behavior requires correction and adjustment of course.  He takes that correction hard.  I believe the reason is because he does want to be so good inside that realizing that he isn't for that moment is painful to him--that goes for all of us my friend.  It's a natural reaction but he collapses following a correction.  He over-reacts trying to do that which he is required to a degree that is excessive at times.  He's learning, that's all it is.

I wish I could help him more.  This is a process.  It's what he is going through right now.  It's what we are all going through right now.  I love this child and would never let harm come through to him.  What I fear more than anything else is the incipient forms of harm manifest in laziness, weakness, lack of integrity, and dishonor to God.  Those will sneak up on a family and if given the chance a child will revert to the baseness of human nature.  But not my Brigham.  Not my Mackay and not my David.  Not if I have anything to say about it and anything left to teach them.

Today I begin the process of reaffirming my love to build him back up stronger than he was yesterday.  We will do this many times yet.  Heaven help me.