Awesome, Not Awesome, Different & Thankful

Awesome, Not Awesome, Different & Thankful

A couple of years ago we were seated at the table and as a relatively young father I was having a hard time engaging my young boys.  Fart jokes always caught their attention - for a second.  Adult conversation was a waste of time.  The purpose seemed to be to eat whatever was in front of you (or complain about it) and get out as quickly as possible.  When I would press about their day to day comings and goings I would invariably get the occasional "It's fine." "Good." "All right." or "Whatever." answers - the dreaded one word, don't bother me answers.

And yet I could literally see their brains working through their problems as they chewed on their food.

So in a spat of almost frustration I had an idea.  I wish I could say I thought this out and reasoned it to being but it turns out that this idea was a split second moment of celestial inspiration.  One that changed how we communicated as a family for years.

"I'd like to go around the table and give each of you a chance to tell our family four things about your day.  The first is something 'awesome' that happened today.  The second is something 'not awesome'.  The third is something 'different' and the fourth is something you are 'Thankful' for.  Ready, go!"

The thing about it is I had tried other ways of getting them to open up before and never been successful.  I really wanted to know what they were doing and why.  I really wanted to know the good and bad of what they were experiencing.  I also wanted to teach them that it was ok if your day wasn't perfect and even on those days there were still things to be thankful for.

And it worked!!  They would clamor to have the chance to share.  They would talk so long about what had happened to them that day that I had to start putting limits on it so everyone would have a chance to talk.  Their friends would gladly join in if at our table.  We learned about them and they knew we loved them by listening to them.  Even on their really bad days they shared and on their good days we all cheered.  It was almost magical.

I'm sharing this here because it's important to know what our day to day was like.  This was a small thing.  But sitting around the table and getting to know these young men, to hear their victories and defeats and to share my own - that was a special thing and one of the most special things every day we were together.  So if you find yourself in a situation where the conversation is parched or you want to get to know someone across the table from you better, just ask them: "Tell me one thing about your day that was Awesome, Not Awesome, Different and Thankful."  You'll be surprised what you'll learn about that person and how you'll grow together in such a simple way.