Monday, February 23, 2015

The Wild Kingdom

Mackay and Michelle have a special dance that they do every morning.  It's kind of like watching one of those old Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom specials but with words.  I actually think it would be even more entertaining if the two tried this interaction without words.  Like two birds puffing their feathers while dancing for position; or two monkeys squawking and throwing poop at each other to define the familial pecking order.

Michelle is the dominant maternal figure.  Mackay is the ever more independent young bear cub, anxious to prove to his mother that he can take on the Alpha bear if only she'd let him up from the paw she has him pinned under.  She chases and corrals, he barks and sneaks an advantage when he can.  She is frustrated by the seemingly never-ending nature of the contest; he is stubbornly persistent in it's continuance.  Speaking of stubborn, here come the mother bear now.  Watch as we observe from a distance this unique and fascinating interaction never caught on live blogging before.

MRB: "Mackay put your pants on."
CMB: "No Mom, I hate jeans."
MRB: "Mackay put your pants on."
CMB: "I just want to wear underwear today."
MRB: "Mackay put your pants on."
CMB: "Jeans are too tight. Can I just wear cozy (athletic) pants?"
MRB: "Mackay put your pants on."
CMB: "You're really stressing me out Mom.
MRB: "Mackay put your pants on."

Now here is where we see the larger of the two begin to demonstrate her dominance and begin to show signs to the small cub that his time is running short.  Her nostrils will flare, ever so slightly, and she will count to three in a firm yet perturbedly patient tone.  Though it may all be nearly imperceptible to you and I these signs do not go unnoticed by the young one.

CMB: "Mom, I hate jeans."

You see unlike the other bean-pole children in the litter who lack a noticeable derrière this one is built a bit more firmly, not fat or even chubby; more like out of Kevlar (R).  For hand-me-down jeans it is required to let out the straps from 5 buttons in to all they way out.  And even then he can put up with it only if the front fastener is a clasp, not the old Levi's button fly.  They are very tight and he does in fact have a bit of difficulty at 7 years old of undoing the fastener on his own at school.

On this day, the jeans in question happened to have a fly.  Mother-bear was at her wits end, the bus was moments away, the other child cubs were pecking for attention and the stubborn blockade was about to come down...but not without one last shot.

CMB: "Please don't make me wear these jeans today Mom."
MRB: "Wear the @#*% jeans Mackay!"

CMB: "Well...looks like I can't pee today."

...and the battle was over.  Mother had won, but not without being a bit scratched and bloodied herself.  Please tune in tomorrow when we observe the peculiar feeding frenzy that is dinner time.  Think wild mix of frat house party, Megadeath concert, honey badger family reunion and supreme court hearing.






No comments: