Playground bullies

Momma Bear is pissed off.

We climbed out of the car coming back from an uneventful trip to WalMart. The doors opened and both boys bolted for the playground that lays between the parking lot and our little one-room apartment. They needed to get out the wiggles. I gathered the groceries and started to follow my wife to the house. As I came around the corner I saw a beautiful boy full of light and energy trying to play with the two slightly older boys already mounted on the playground equipment. Brig really has a great spirit - one I wish I could bottle and save for my worst days. I wish you could see his face like I do.

Michelle came up to me in a terse and harsh mumble she pointed out that the older boys were being rude to Brigham. I thought she might be over reacting so I kind of brushed it off while carrying my burden across the yard. As I came around the corner I saw a little blonde head looking up the ladder trying to climb up and join the boys in the gaiety. At the top of the ladder stood the two 4 year olds trying to kick at Brigham and saying, "I will kick him in the face and stay away from him because he is mean."

We love the boys mothers and we know they come from good families. But as soon as I could drop my bags I returned to the playground, picked up a very sad little boy who only wanted to play and took him inside because I couldn't bear to have him be around people who would treat him like those little shits did.

...

About a year ago I woke up in a cold sweat. In my dream someone had maliciously mistreated my boy - and I lost all control and hurt that unnamed person so violently that it scared me. I could feel the blood on my hands and couldn't feel bad in my heart because he had injured my child. In a contorted fashion that was the first time that I knew I loved my boys and that I would do anything for them. Anything. Is that wrong to say out loud?

But today all I could do for this sweet little toe head was to wrap him in my arms and take him away. Later that evening I went out for a run and Michelle decided to take the boys outside again to finally let them get the wiggles out. The older boys had left by then. Brig asked, "Are there other kids outside?" and his mother replied, "Probably." Brig then said, "Then they will kick Daddy in the face and they will say mean things to him too." I had hoped against hope that he hadn't heard and understood what these boys were doing.

I most certainly hold nothing against these children, because boys will be boys and heaven knows Brigham has hit bumped or run over his fair share of children. In this case it was the malicious nature of the comments and the mean intent behind them that differentiates what happened today. I would that I could shield my boys from every harmful word and mean child they will ever confront. I wish I could stand up to the bullies like my brother did once for me many years ago ("nobody picks on my little brother but me!") I wish that I could have thumped those kids for saying and doing what they did; not really...but I do.

I can deal with the dirt. I can deal with the poopie diapers. I can even deal with the temper tantrums. But this really stretches my capacity as a parent and tears my heart to pieces. I feel more pain when people intentionally treat my boy bad than when they treat me so. I am beginning to understand why the earth was ripped in quakes when Christ was crucified on the cross. I may have torn the whole damn thing in two, shoveled all the wrong doers inside and slammed it back together like symbols had I been Him.

Brigham and Calvin, in case you ever read this, your Momma Bear and your Daddy love you to no end. We know that you will experience awful things in your life because it's a part of life. But we know you'll be better and do better in the end. And if you don't you shouldn't worry. Your Daddy is still the biggest Pugil stick badass on this base and no little punk will ever be able to kick him in the face or say mean things about you and smile about it afterward.

Chin up.