"Criminitly Trigger!!! Put that Peeshooter Away!"

For years Michelle and I have had some classic staring contests. There was of course the great American StareDown of 2005 where we locked eyes for 22 hours straight without blinking until a fly landed smack on my left cornea. Even then I didn’t flinch through the first 18 minutes of the impromptu cataracts surgery that little bug put me through. I finally gave in to the pain and lost, but it is still a contested loss. Some where in the rulebook, it has to say that a flinch does not count if initiated by foreign objects or insects. You know, like in golf.

Lately we haven’t had a chance to go against each other because we have a new champion of the house. Brigham can just look right through you like you’re not even there. I swear, things don’t even register to him – he just stares right through it all; for the three minutes he’s awake that is. He just doesn’t lose staring contests. That’s the way he plays this game I guess...to win.

Brigham Golden is the toughest meanest hombre ever to put on a pair of chaps. For instance, just yesterday he stared down not just one but two of the drippiest mothers milk vandals you ever saw. Then he whooped six diapers like they were nothing! He just pooped on ‘em and they were done. They couldn’t handle him.

And the coup de gras, what ever that means, came this morning when the roughinest, toughinest, tightenest swaddledest cowboy in the west whipped out his pee shooter and took down – I am not exaggerating here – two blankets, one pillow, three diapers, four onsies, two tubs of bath water his fathers pajamas and right foot. All of this in the space of 50 minutes. I’m pretty sure the whole thing was none stop. There was so much action that I didn’t know what hit me; it’s all kind of a blur when it began or if it has even ended.

We’d saddle up that cowboy and he’d come out gun-a-blazin’. We’d take that saddle off, put on another and bam! Shoot right through it! Wrap him up in indian blankets, like trying to tame a waterfall with a handkerchief. We even hung him out to dry on the clothes line and we’re pretty sure that’s why it hasn’t stopped raining in Arkansas for three days.

He went through 4 diapers in 10 minutes. We really did give up.

Enjoy the pictures, feel the love and if Brig calls you out at High Noon...cower. ‘Cause he’s got the fastest pee-shooter this side of the Mississippi, show as shootin’.